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THE PERFECT HOUSE

•             RELEASE DATE: Available Now on DVD
•             WRITTEN BY: Kris Hulbert
•             DIRECTED BY: Kris Hulbert, Randy Kent
•             STARRING: Felissa Rose, Jonathan Tiersten, John Philbin

When I heard genre legend Felissa Rose was going to be hosting her own real estate show I was positively ecstatic. I mean, come on, what goes together better than curb appeal and scream queens? What’s that you say? Ol’ Uncle Mr. Sexy Daniel XIII is pullin’ yer leg, and this is really a horror flick? Well done, you saw die-rectly through my elaborate and well-constructed ruse that took me countless hours (or a few seconds) to construct.

So, yeah THE PERFECT HOUSE is indeed a fright flick… it’s kind of an anthology as well. When a young couple is given a tour of their potential dream home by a mega-horny real estate agent (aren’t they all?), we learn that said dwelling has a fairly large case of ‘nope’ because some seriously F’d up crap went down there. What constitutes “F’d” up, you may well ask? Go on… ask, ASK! OK, I’ll tell ya: kids kill their parents, a serial killer gets up to some outrageously repugnant shenanigans, and a dinner party gets way, way out of hand throughout various years of the houses’ existence. Seems like a great place to start a family and grow old in, doesn’t it?

Now your mileage on this one is going to vary depending on a few factors. Two of the three flashback tales tear into torture porn junction rather quickly, with the second tale being the most grizzly. That genre has ne’er really been my bag, so it didn’t really make my pants shrink, but if you dig that kind of thing you’ll be pleased with what the filmmakers have accomplished here effects-wise, especially given the low budget of this flick. And yeah, the film’s budget sometimes makes this a smidgen less polished than what some of you snootier horror hounds may like.

On the plus side, it’s good to see Felissa Rose in anything. She’s always gives it everything she’s got regardless of what picture she’s in. Additionally, Monique Parent as the aforementioned sex pot realtor is so over the top she seems to have wandered in from some other flim all together (probably one die-rected by David DeCoteau), and honestly I dig that. It gives the flick a smack of ridiculous that I always love!

While some of this pic wasn’t really for me, I wouldn’t tell ya not to watch it, especially if you are a fan of Rose, dig torture porn (ya sick bastard… but still a valued and beloved reader), or just want to see an anthology a lil’ outside the norm… or if you have a fetish for horny realtors. Kinda specific, but I know you’re out there…

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HOLE

•             RELEASE DATE: Available Now on DVD
•             WRITTEN BY: Eunice Font, Joaquin Montalvan
•             DIRECTED BY: Joaquin Montalvan
•             STARRING: Jim Barile, Randall Barnes, Charlotte Bjornbak, Ed Respass

You know how a few paragraphs back I said torture porn isn’t my thing? Well, guess what? Serial killer flicks really aren’t, either. Well, today must be my unlucky day, ‘cuz here comes the serial killer opus HOLE!

Routinely abused by his mother as a child, Ed Kunkle (Respass) grows up to be a right proper serial killer, abducting young women that resemble his mother and brutalizing them with a mallet all within the confines of his quaint ‘n’ cozy kill shed (a space that Leatherface could easily call home). Ed also has some further static in his life in the form of a detective and friend Eve, a woman whose baby was murdered (yeah, this isn’t really a laugh a minute flick here, creeps)… now what do you think these folks will think of ol’ Ed when they stumble on that shed of his?

HOLE is a weird one. I guess you’d call it more of a drama than a full on fright flick (though it does have its moments). It is a bit like what Rob Zombie was trying to do with his interpretation of Michael Myers with the whole humanizing the devil bit, except here it’s a lot more successful (partially because Ed isn’t an established genre icon). You will have some genuine emotion for Ed, yet at the same time his murder biz will repulse you.

While the subject matter isn’t really my cup o’ terror tea, I can appreciate this for what it is—namely a well-made (some of the cinematography is rather impressive for a film made on a smaller budget) flick with some solid performances and some challenging emotional material (but there’s murder and junk too, ‘cuz this ain’t Lifetime or nuthin’).

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