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THE ZERO BOYS

•             RELEASE DATE: Available Now on Blu-ray/DVD Combo
•             WRITTEN BY: Robert Gilliam, Nico Mastorakis
•             DIRECTED BY: Nico Mastorakis
•             STARRING: Daniel Hirsch, Kelli Maroney, Nicole Rio

The Zero Boys are the best. I mean, just listen to their Nazi-attired, mustachioed, and hair gel-addicted rival Casey. He says it right through a megaphone for all to hear. But wait, just who are these Zero Boys, I hear you ask? Well, they are the kings of simulated war games—you know, the kind that take place in full scale replicas of abandoned Mexican towns, filled with elaborate special effects and applauded by spectators addicted to the mega-adrenaline rush of watching grown-ass men pretend to shoot each other with toy guns. I mean c’mon, how can the Zero Boys not be the complete and total s—t? They cruise the streets in their machismo truck accompanied by a raucous synth score, and they have personalized license plates. Personalized. License. Plates.!

Besides the aforementioned activities, the Zero Boys also dig heading into the woods to eat small pizzas and drink Pepsi and light beer in equal measure with their hanger-on gal pals. Well, it’s during one such excursion that the Boys hear a scream in the woods, which in turn leads them to a deserted cabin. With their normal “F” it aplomb, the Zeros throw a birthday party for one of their ranks and utter such deep, philosophical bon mots as “I’m horny”. ‘Tis one for the ages.

If the whole movie were only the above, I’d be 100% satisfied, but let me tell ya, creeps, there’s so much more. You know that cabin I mentioned earlier? Well, guess what? It’s a murder house filled with human remains and snuff films, and before long the Boys are tangling with some sicko slashers. Also, the Zero Boys get their hands on some real weapons which, given their prior track record as careless, rule breaking, party dudes is a more dangerous proposition than tangling with any homicidal maniac.

You know how a lot of films these days are trying to capture that 80s horror zeitgeist? Well, this is THE picture they should be emulating. Everything from the hair to the music to the lighting is quintessential 80s cheese, so much so that this flick comes off as almost satire except that it was actually made in the 80s and is completely sincere… and I loved every bats—t second of it!

While the film is the bat’s knees, this release also contains a bountiful bonus bonanza! You get an interview with the flick’s die-rector Nico Mastorakis (who interviews himself because sure, why not?), interviews with stars of the film Kelli Maroney (who also provides a commentary track) and Nicole Rio, a couple of music videos featuring Hans Zimmer’s (yes, really) compositions for the film, a trailer, and a photo gallery. Not too shabby!

So what are you waiting for? This isn’t just a film, it’s a training manual for being a rude n’ crude dude with a permanent party mood… and a scary obsession with shooting people. Call up your friends, purchase exactly 8 beverages, and order the smallest pizza the local joint has on hand and do this flick up tonight!

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